Thriving New Mama

I don’t hear enough talk about the immediate postpartum.

You’re holding your newborn in your hands. He cries.

It might look adorable for five minutes, until you find that you’ve no clue why the baby is crying.

Then, you might get anxious. It drives you to read and research voraciously, ask all the mom friends you know, even those that were only thinking about becoming moms.

You kick yourself for not doing more. You wonder if you’ve doing enough.

Stop.

There’s nothing more you can do.

I remember myself at 36 weeks pregnant with my first child. I stood in front of the diaper changing table, the trolley of new diapers and change of clothes, the bathtub, the drawer of clothes and I imagined the precise sequence of steps we’d be taking to do every diaper change.

Doesn’t it sound like a set up for failure?

I didn’t think as such then. I was convinced that if I nailed down the exact positioning of the equipment and rehearsed the steps enough, I’d be much like a McDonald’s staff assembling breakfast sets at peak hour.

I thought I had nailed it. And that’s the problem.

Your baby is a new person. Called to creation by God. Commissioned by God for His purposes and glory.

Of course, it’s going to take me time to get to know this new person, as she too discovers herself.

Instead of preparing the nursery and trying to nail down the perfect set up, prepare yourself to be flexible.

Your little one might love the swaddle and snuggle in her crib. She might also only sleep on your bed or your chest.

Your little one might only want to be carried sideways. Or she might only settle when in a carrier, with just her clump of hair and curious eyes visible.

Your little one might take to the bottle only if introduced early (i.e. 6-8 weeks). Or she might be adaptable enough to take to the first bottle only at five months old and STILL latch on the breast.

For those planners out there, I know, this sounds like a nightmare.

I’ve got a plan (can’t take the planner out of me). Specifically, two strategies to propose.

1. A practical strategy is to learn about the alternative to whatever you’re planning and search for experts or care providers that you trust. For example, I didn’t plan on co-sleeping but I followed two Instagram accounts educating the public on safe co-sleeping.
2. Another strategy is to dig deep and BE HONEST about your postpartum goals. They’re important to you. Much as you can try to be flexible, you hope, hope, hope that you achieve those goals. For me, it’s breastfeeding. So I got connected with not 1, not 2 but FOUR lactation consultants. I’ve even attended prenatal workshops and consultations available by two of the consultants.

There are things you can control and things that you can’t. Focus on what you can.

Being flexible to not about throwing all efforts into the wind, but about acknowledging what you can control, trying your best at it and trusting and having hope that it’d all turn out for good.