Thriving New Mama

Even if you’re a fit bunny pre-pregnancy and hitting the gym even in the third trimester, there is an inevitable slowing down when you’re in the later stages of pregnancy.

From personal experience, we slow down even more once the baby is born. It takes us an extra 30-minutes to get out of the house as we check that we’ve got all the necessary supplies (e.g. nursing cover, wet wipes, diapers, spare clothes). Now, with a toddler and newborn, the buffer time needs to be way more generous.

We could already be at the doorstep when our toddler declares, “I HAVE POO-ED!” #truestory

It benefits our newborn when we slow down too. This little one has just entered a world of lights and noise, of being hungry and cold. Squinting his eyes, he can barely make you out but he recognizes your touch and voice.

By slowing down, you help him to take in the world he’s been born into.

He learns the language of this time and place. He discovers where his hands and feet go as you do a sportscast while he gets a bath. He identifies the place of comfort.

Slowing down helps us as mothers too.  

It gives us the time and space to feel our bodies, which might be unsteady, neither big enough for the maternity clothes or small enough to fit into pre-pregnancy clothes, and extremely tired.

It gives us the time to recollect and reconcile from the birth experience, which might be an euphoric experience or a scary, worrying one.

It gives us the time to stare into our newborn’s eyes and let the weight of being a mother sink in.

What makes the transition to motherhood challenging is the fact that a new mother is birthed, it’s a new identity and role to be integrated into who you are.

Journaling your journey

I find the journey of becoming a mother to be an ongoing one. You continue to be challenged in your patience, humility, flexibility – just to name a few. And you’re required to evaluate and realign your values.

To get you started, you can try journaling based on these three question prompts or discussing them with your spouse.

• What kind of mother do I want to be?
• What are my values and strengths that are transferrable to motherhood? And to other aspects of my life?
• How are the answers to these questions shaped by my upbringing and societal expectations?

I know that I don’t often ask myself these questions enough.

Acknowledging the losses

The birth of a child also brings great joy for most, including the extended family. Even strangers rejoice with you. Walking on the streets with my newborn in a carrier, I hear more “congratulations!”  than “how are you coping?”

These collective rejoicing makes acknowledging the losses such as a change in lifestyle, social network, priorities, energy levels and even disappointment from the labour feel secondary.

These are HUGE, HUGE changes within one day. You need time to process them. Slowing down to notice your body, your breath. Checking in with how you’re feeling. Journaling.

These can be incredibly helpful as you rediscover yourself and realign your values. They’re also why slowing down is so valuable.