Thriving New Mama

I planned for a home birth. All my friends, from those who have kids in their teens to those who are preparing for birth right now, do not have a home birth.

I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe the home birth costs cannot be claimed under Medisave. Maybe only two medical professionals in Singapore can make it happen. Maybe because you can’t get any sort of pain relief (except maybe Paracetamol) when you’re having a home birth.

So, it’s not easy to get one and to prepare for one. You need a solid team, lots of self-discipline and commitment to preparing for it, and you also need to prepare your own family.

I planned for one. And I ended up having a hospital birth.

Not because there was a complication that needed a transfer.

Not because the midwife didn’t arrive in time for the labour.

Not because I chickened out.

In fact, the midwife (who is based out of Singapore) happened to be still here. This is completely unplanned and unexpected.

But the home birth kit was still with the previous client.

As if to rub salt to an open wound, the birth was also smooth. I was fully dilated when I reached the hospital. From the time I reached the hospital to the time of delivery, it was less than 20 minutes. That was how smooth it was.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A SMOOTH, BEAUTIFUL HOME BIRTH!!!

I wailed. I was angry and disappointed. I was also confused why it had to turn out this way.

But I learned from this that I’m not in control. Much as we can prepare for it, the labour is out of our control. When it happens, how it happens and how it pans out – it’s out of our control.

The biggest lesson I learned from this is that – not just the labour, but there is a lot that is out of our control.

It doesn’t mean we despair, and we get bitter and blame the universe for making things difficult for us. It means we focus instead on what we can control because there’s also a whole lot.

Focus on what you can control

It means we focus instead on what we can control because there’s also a whole lot.

Like the present.

Like your own nutrition so that you optimize your health for birth and postpartum.

Like setting boundaries that you need and communicating what you want.

It means also having the courage to trust that the God who loves you is where you are, faithful in providing what you need, powerful and merciful in turning everything for your good.

Knowing that there are things out of your control and being able to trust in God (or a Higher Being) can bring calm. Focusing on things that are within your control can then be empowering.