When you first fell in love, connection probably felt effortless.
A glance. A laugh. Long conversations that stretched late into the night.
It didn’t feel like “work” to enjoy each other — it was natural.
But now, between sleepless nights, piles of laundry, meetings, and the constant needs of little ones…
It feels like even looking lovingly at each other across the table is HARD WORK and takes INTENTIONALITY.
And yet — deep friendship and positive affection are the very foundations of a thriving marriage.
If you feel stretched thin and distant from your husband lately, you’re not failing. You’re just in a season where intentional connection matters more than ever.
The good news?
It doesn’t require grand gestures or hours you don’t have.
It starts with tiny, everyday moments — and learning how to see each other’s bids for connection.
Want to Build Connection as New Parents? Start with Friendship and Affection.
Research shows that strong marriages are rooted not just in passion or shared responsibilities — but in friendship. In fact, successful couples have 5x more positives than negatives, compared with couples who end up separating.
That’s EVEN IN conflict.
Positive affection — small gestures of showing interests in one another, extending kindness, warmth, and appreciation — acts like daily deposits into your marriage “bank account.” They buffer against stress and help you have tough conversations (which will come).
How to Build Connection as Busy New Parents: Look for “Bids”
Dr. John and Julia Gottman describe bids for connection as any attempt to get attention, affection, or support from your partner.
A bid can be tiny:
- A passing comment: “Wow, look at that sunset.”
- A small complaint: “Today was so overwhelming.”
- A glance or a gentle touch.
Every time your partner makes a bid, you have a choice:
- Turn toward (respond with interest or care)
- Turn away (ignore)
- Turn against (respond with irritation)
Over time, how you respond to these bids literally shapes the emotional climate of your marriage.
You don’t have to catch every single one — you’re human! —
but even noticing and responding more often can build POWERFUL trust, warmth, and resilience between you.
The TEAM Framework: Tiny Ways to Connect as New Parents
Because I know how overwhelming it can feel to “find time” for deep connection, I created a simple way to think about it: the TEAM framework.
These four areas nurture different kinds of intimacy:
- T — Thought-Provoking (Intellectual Intimacy)
Share ideas, reflections, or something new you learned.
Example: “What’s something interesting you heard today?” - E — Energizing or Exciting (Emotional Intimacy)
Celebrate little joys, moments of fun, or what made you feel alive.
Example: “What’s something you’re secretly looking forward to?” - A — Affirmation or Appreciation (Gratitude & Support)
Notice and name what you admire or appreciate in each other.
Example: “I noticed how patient you were with the kids today — thank you.” - M — Mirror (Emotional Awareness & Attunement)
Tune in to each other’s feelings and deeper needs.
Example: “You seemed a little quiet after that meeting… want to talk about it?
Want to Make This Even Easier? Grab My Free Conversation Prompts!
I know that when you’re exhausted, even thinking of what to say can feel hard.
That’s why I created a free resource just for you:
12 Powerful Conversation Prompts to Deepen Your Connection Daily.
Inside, you’ll find:
✨ Thoughtful prompts based on the TEAM framework
✨ Simple questions you can ask over dinner, on a walk, or even via text
✨ Easy ways to spark real conversation, even when life is busy and loud
Because rebuilding emotional closeness doesn’t have to wait for a vacation.
It starts with one small, meaningful moment today.
👉 Click here to get your free prompts and start reconnecting.
You’re not just surviving marriage and parenthood —
You’re building a legacy of love, friendship, and faith for your children to see.
And it starts with one tiny “yes” at a time. 💛
Thriving New Mama 
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